If I could have 20% of your blessings, 20% of your audacity and arrogance and 12% of your selfishness, I could do so much more for myself. All that I have done for you is in the past. Its eaten up. You get a benefit, I get a loss. There is no RoI, since there was never an ‘R’.
I am fed up of living in this shit world. The mark is on your. I forsake my responsibility for my own well-being. I will make it my mission to be irresponsible towards myself henceforth. So my well-being is your credit; my loss and ill-health and then, death – is mine alone.
The headache comes and goes. It becomes unbearable to the point of tears at times. I just want to bang my head into a wall but, of course, I let better sense prevail. Its tempting to shout out loud or cry or break down – but again – I let the moment go by and let “better sense prevail”. I loose patience at times and I am sorry for that. I need to get better at not acting out just because my head is aching so much. The pain is intense and the head is heavy.
Does it mean that a natural end might be near? Lets see…
It’s not certain that you will succeed
Or maybe you will – more or less
Just remember when you do (or don’t)
That where you’ve reached is
Founded upon the corpses of others.
No – your success (or the lack of it)
Is not certain.
But my martyrdom
Is certain for sure.
Maybe you will remember the corpses
That piled up along the way. Or not.
Its not for you to have guilt
You focus on doing well.
It still doesn’t lessen my pain
To write about the indignity of
Always having to serve you
Such is my misfortune.
I’m dying and sinking most moments
And i have no strength or ability
To save myself.
What a waste my life has been.
I’m sorry to those who love me
That I could never amount to anything.
Just because I can do it quickly, it does not give you the right to give me more work to do. Especially when I do not enjoy doing your work in the first place.
Choosing to do it and being efficient at doing it are my choices. You don’t have to abuse my generosity.
But you will. I know.