If someone has a lot and they give you some, that is charity.
If someone has a little and they give you all, that is a sacrifice.
If someone has enough and they give you some, that is a help.
If you get something from someone, ideally you owe them something. Not in kind or equivalently. But maybe gratitude or respect.
Unless – of course – you feel that you deserve it.
So be careful in what you qualify as help (or not). Maybe you are not looking at the giver’s intent or capacity.
It’s not certain that you will succeed
Or maybe you will – more or less
Just remember when you do (or don’t)
That where you’ve reached is
Founded upon the corpses of others.
Especially me.
No – your success (or the lack of it)
Is not certain.
But my martyrdom
Is certain for sure.
Maybe you will remember the corpses
That piled up along the way. Or not.
Its not for you to have guilt
You focus on doing well.
It still doesn’t lessen my pain
To write about the indignity of
Always having to serve you
Such is my misfortune.
I’m dying and sinking most moments
And i have no strength or ability
To save myself.
What a waste my life has been.
I’m sorry to those who love me
That I could never amount to anything.
At all.
Dear -,
What is about you that invites the respect, indulgence and patronage of others? You use curse words with everyone – especially your mother and sisters. You are arrogant, too-full-of-yourself, over-confident, careless, untidy, uncaring and irresponsible. You are everything that I am not or will ever want to me.
Yet you get respect from the same people who blatantly abuse and disrespect me. I’m good to these people, I take care of them, I wait for them, I’m polite and caring and respectful. I do things that they feel will add value to their lives.
Yet they get away with disrespecting me. And abusing me.
How? Why? What makes you more respectable than me? What makes your dreams and goals more important and valuable than mine? Because you shout too loud and are ready aggressive and violent in your language and stature? Is that what it takes to be “respected” now?
I know it doesn’t. I know I am expecting something from those I can’t receive. The problem is expectations.
What is the utility of a human being? Which beings are useful to us…and who are not? How do the utility of a person affect how we treat them… Or respect them or not? Whyndo we define the utilitarian value of a human being to us?
Why are some people useful but still deserving of our abuse and mistreatment and dishonour? What cognitive system can we use to make such judgements?